Traditionally the term “committee of one” is used to indicate a committee where one person makes the decisions for the entire group. However, in my case, I use the term to reference the committee-type arguing that goes on inside my one brain. It is by far the most accurate depiction of my innate inability to make a decision. Every time I catch myself in a one-person arguing match I can’t help but think of the movie 12 Angry Men and just have to laugh at myself.
Sometimes this can be good. For example, I think that I am a very well rounded person – mainly due to the fact I can’t seem to choose one activity to focus on. It can also be a hindrance when someone asks me a simple question like “What would you like to eat tonight?” (Tacos? No. Spaghetti? Nah. Chinese? Not after last night. You get the point.)
When I started college the question was, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Well, I wanted to be a social worker – wait, no, I want to be a psychologist – wait, no I don’t, I want to be a veterinarian. You see my issue. So, I set out trying many different things trying to find out the answer to that question. What did I want to be when I grew up?
After years of trying this and trying that, I finally started to get interested in all of the brain and skill assessments. I was secretly hoping that one of these assessments was going to tell me what to go be. My HBDI and Emergenetics profiles looked more like a promotion for the Milton Bradley game Simon rather than a skills profile. All of them – and I am not kidding here – came out almost exactly in the middle. I was equally good at everything, and great at nothing - a very serious jack of all trades.
This was frustrating to me! Now, not only did I not know what I wanted to be when I grew up, but the experts couldn’t tell me either. To throw a wrench into the whole situation I was starting to think that maybe I would never find my place or be really happy in my career or in my life overall. (Besides, I didn’t know if I wanted an uptown Manhattan apartment or a Nebraska bed and breakfast!)
Then, I sat down with a coach who very nicely said to me, “Melani, WHY do you desperately need an answer to that question? WHY do you have to be only ONE thing when you grow up? WHY can’t you be EVERYTHING you want to be?”
She was right. I was too busy trying to answer that question that I completely missed the fact that I was having fun learning how to crochet, play the piano, paint ceramics, manage a team of professionals, running a non-profit board and the countless other things I had tried. I had this need to find out what I wanted to be and the whole time I was being who I was. And to top it off – I really like that person.
I finally started to embrace my crazy committee of one in my head. I made a list of all the things I wanted to be when I grew up and have started to check them off of my list. No, I may never be the world’s best pianist or artist, but that is OK because I enjoy those things all the same.
Unfortunately this doesn’t help me decide what is for dinner this evening but I do know that I will be happy no matter what it is.
No comments:
Post a Comment