Ah, my husband. My husband is hands down the funniest, zaniest person I know. Humor must have been the number one quality I needed in a mate and even though we have been together for seventeen years, he can still make me laugh. I am always impressed with how relaxed he is around anyone and he is always the life of the party. He uses humor to fizzle tense situations – especially with my moody nine year old daughter and our mother / daughter sometimes tenuous relationship. However, with humor comes some very interesting suggestions about how our lives should be.
So, when he proposed that we purchase a monkey for a pet, I should not have been surprised.
Marriage is hard, but we have roughed it out by maintaining our humor and supporting one another. We have always tried to be supportive of one another’s goals in life. Isn’t that what married couple should do? When he told me that he wanted to go back to school, I made sure I spent more time at home. When I wanted to become a life coach, he allowed me to put money away to build my business. However, sometimes there are goals in life that are so hard to support even when they come from the love of your life.
Here is the problem – I don’t want a monkey living in my house. Yes, you read that correctly. No monkey – not in my house. I am supportive of school, work, and life goals - but not huge mammals that require diapers and throw poo. (Frankly, I was done with this once my daughter reached age 2 and I was quite pleased with that).
So, when I tried to discuss the feasibility of an additional animal in our house (how will the three cats get along with a monkey), and tried to be the voice of reason, my husband affectionately tells me to “quit peeing on his dreams”. How it could be anyone’s dream to have a monkey hanging from your chandelier, screaming at you throughout the day is simply beyond my comprehension however, it is not my intent to proverbially pee on the man’s dreams.
One more time – no monkey, not in my house. But what if that meant no husband?
Asking questions to determine what exactly the priority was for him helped me to realize that while owning a monkey would be a “hey, a monkey would be cool” kind of thing it was not a “if I don’t get a monkey for the house I will simply never be happy and it is a deal breaker” kind of thing. My private happy dance commenced.
Is there a goal in your mate’s life that you haven’t been able or willing to support? Did you squash the idea by peeing on their dreams or did you “man up” and have that hard conversation to determine if it was something they really needed – even if it wasn’t the answer that you wanted? Were you able to then get behind that dream in order to improve your mate’s happiness?
While my happiness doesn’t depend on his happiness, it sure does make that road a little easier to travel. What happens next time when he wants a llama and he MUST have one? What happens then? I suppose I will go to the closest llama farm and pick out the friendliest one on the lot – because a llama is a small price to pay for my husband’s happiness, and a chandelier swinging, poo throwing monkey would have been too.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Follow the Yellow Brick Road
In the midst of starting my own business, I am starting to realize how much the experience reminds me of one of my favorite movies, The Wizard of Oz. Yes, really. Here I am, feeling like the world is so much bigger than me and knowing that something is missing from my life. I have always had an entrepreneurial spirit; I just didn’t know how strong it was until I started seeing my coworkers start disappearing from my job at a Fortune 100 company. This was my proverbial tornado. I still had my job, but I was saddened by how many of those coworkers not only had no idea that this could happen, but did not prepare themselves with any sort of exit strategy or alternative. I knew that I needed to do better. I knew something had to change, but it took a lot of thought to determine just what it was that I could do.
So, I set out to find my very own version of the Land of Oz on my own Yellow Brick Road. Luckily, the trip did not begin with the Lollipop Kids, that part was always a little spooky to me. However, it did begin by finding my very own mentor and coach –or my own Glenda. She was supportive but stern. She helped me face some of the challenges that she knew would be coming my way. She helped me to stay on task and in my own timeline. Without her experience and support, I am sure that the road would have been much more like a mountain hike rather than a brick road.
I started pulling together little pieces of my business plan, but quickly came to realize that I needed help. That is when I came across my Scarecrow, the person who had more knowledge in certain areas than I did and kept me grounded. It is impossible to know everything well, so you need people around you to help you where you may be weak. It is not a sign of weakness to need help – it is a sign of good leadership and maturity. My Scarecrow asked me the questions that I needed to think about to successfully complete my plan and was someone I could bounce ideas off of.
As I was writing my plan, I started to feel like I was drowning in administration. I felt like all the planning had sucked the fun right out of the work I wanted to do in the first place. I took some time to myself and after some careful consideration, I realized that I wouldn’t have started off down this yellow brick road had it not been for my Tin Man, my passion for what I wanted to do. The passion is what drives us forward, helps us to overcome any of the obstacles that may be ahead of us. It is also what helps us to sustain enthusiasm even in the most trying of times.
There were risks, of course there were! When are there not risks that are associated with trying something new; especially something that you are counting on to pay your bills and sustain your family? My cowardly lion gave me the strength to keep moving, to keep the benefits in prospective and to keep taking the risk. I needed to trust in myself, my plan and my passion.
There were people who said I couldn’t do it. There were the nay-sayers that told me that my idea would never work. There were people who tried to setup roadblocks along my way. Regardless of their motivation, there are always the Wicked Witches out there who try to make you give up and not follow through. It can be anyone – including your own self-doubts. Negative self talk can be just as destructive to your progress as the negative people that can surround you. All of this can make you rethink your plan, try to force you off of your road and divert you from Oz.
In the midst of all tax preparation, business plan writing and marketing plans, I had thought “perhaps I don’t want to do this” or “perhaps I am not good enough to do this” and I considered giving up. However, it was my skills, my passion and my strength that persevered. Whether or not I believed it then, I was always the man (or woman) behind the curtain pulling the strings.
My best advice to you is to throw the water on the doubters, find your own Good Witch of the North, Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion and be your own Wizard. Do away with the negativity and maintain your enthusiasm – it is the only way to make it to the end of your own yellow brick road and make it back to a new, brighter version of your home and happiness.
So, I set out to find my very own version of the Land of Oz on my own Yellow Brick Road. Luckily, the trip did not begin with the Lollipop Kids, that part was always a little spooky to me. However, it did begin by finding my very own mentor and coach –or my own Glenda. She was supportive but stern. She helped me face some of the challenges that she knew would be coming my way. She helped me to stay on task and in my own timeline. Without her experience and support, I am sure that the road would have been much more like a mountain hike rather than a brick road.
I started pulling together little pieces of my business plan, but quickly came to realize that I needed help. That is when I came across my Scarecrow, the person who had more knowledge in certain areas than I did and kept me grounded. It is impossible to know everything well, so you need people around you to help you where you may be weak. It is not a sign of weakness to need help – it is a sign of good leadership and maturity. My Scarecrow asked me the questions that I needed to think about to successfully complete my plan and was someone I could bounce ideas off of.
As I was writing my plan, I started to feel like I was drowning in administration. I felt like all the planning had sucked the fun right out of the work I wanted to do in the first place. I took some time to myself and after some careful consideration, I realized that I wouldn’t have started off down this yellow brick road had it not been for my Tin Man, my passion for what I wanted to do. The passion is what drives us forward, helps us to overcome any of the obstacles that may be ahead of us. It is also what helps us to sustain enthusiasm even in the most trying of times.
There were risks, of course there were! When are there not risks that are associated with trying something new; especially something that you are counting on to pay your bills and sustain your family? My cowardly lion gave me the strength to keep moving, to keep the benefits in prospective and to keep taking the risk. I needed to trust in myself, my plan and my passion.
There were people who said I couldn’t do it. There were the nay-sayers that told me that my idea would never work. There were people who tried to setup roadblocks along my way. Regardless of their motivation, there are always the Wicked Witches out there who try to make you give up and not follow through. It can be anyone – including your own self-doubts. Negative self talk can be just as destructive to your progress as the negative people that can surround you. All of this can make you rethink your plan, try to force you off of your road and divert you from Oz.
In the midst of all tax preparation, business plan writing and marketing plans, I had thought “perhaps I don’t want to do this” or “perhaps I am not good enough to do this” and I considered giving up. However, it was my skills, my passion and my strength that persevered. Whether or not I believed it then, I was always the man (or woman) behind the curtain pulling the strings.
My best advice to you is to throw the water on the doubters, find your own Good Witch of the North, Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion and be your own Wizard. Do away with the negativity and maintain your enthusiasm – it is the only way to make it to the end of your own yellow brick road and make it back to a new, brighter version of your home and happiness.
The Never Ending Cycle of Indecision
Traditionally the term “committee of one” is used to indicate a committee where one person makes the decisions for the entire group. However, in my case, I use the term to reference the committee-type arguing that goes on inside my one brain. It is by far the most accurate depiction of my innate inability to make a decision. Every time I catch myself in a one-person arguing match I can’t help but think of the movie 12 Angry Men and just have to laugh at myself.
Sometimes this can be good. For example, I think that I am a very well rounded person – mainly due to the fact I can’t seem to choose one activity to focus on. It can also be a hindrance when someone asks me a simple question like “What would you like to eat tonight?” (Tacos? No. Spaghetti? Nah. Chinese? Not after last night. You get the point.)
When I started college the question was, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Well, I wanted to be a social worker – wait, no, I want to be a psychologist – wait, no I don’t, I want to be a veterinarian. You see my issue. So, I set out trying many different things trying to find out the answer to that question. What did I want to be when I grew up?
After years of trying this and trying that, I finally started to get interested in all of the brain and skill assessments. I was secretly hoping that one of these assessments was going to tell me what to go be. My HBDI and Emergenetics profiles looked more like a promotion for the Milton Bradley game Simon rather than a skills profile. All of them – and I am not kidding here – came out almost exactly in the middle. I was equally good at everything, and great at nothing - a very serious jack of all trades.
This was frustrating to me! Now, not only did I not know what I wanted to be when I grew up, but the experts couldn’t tell me either. To throw a wrench into the whole situation I was starting to think that maybe I would never find my place or be really happy in my career or in my life overall. (Besides, I didn’t know if I wanted an uptown Manhattan apartment or a Nebraska bed and breakfast!)
Then, I sat down with a coach who very nicely said to me, “Melani, WHY do you desperately need an answer to that question? WHY do you have to be only ONE thing when you grow up? WHY can’t you be EVERYTHING you want to be?”
She was right. I was too busy trying to answer that question that I completely missed the fact that I was having fun learning how to crochet, play the piano, paint ceramics, manage a team of professionals, running a non-profit board and the countless other things I had tried. I had this need to find out what I wanted to be and the whole time I was being who I was. And to top it off – I really like that person.
I finally started to embrace my crazy committee of one in my head. I made a list of all the things I wanted to be when I grew up and have started to check them off of my list. No, I may never be the world’s best pianist or artist, but that is OK because I enjoy those things all the same.
Unfortunately this doesn’t help me decide what is for dinner this evening but I do know that I will be happy no matter what it is.
Sometimes this can be good. For example, I think that I am a very well rounded person – mainly due to the fact I can’t seem to choose one activity to focus on. It can also be a hindrance when someone asks me a simple question like “What would you like to eat tonight?” (Tacos? No. Spaghetti? Nah. Chinese? Not after last night. You get the point.)
When I started college the question was, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Well, I wanted to be a social worker – wait, no, I want to be a psychologist – wait, no I don’t, I want to be a veterinarian. You see my issue. So, I set out trying many different things trying to find out the answer to that question. What did I want to be when I grew up?
After years of trying this and trying that, I finally started to get interested in all of the brain and skill assessments. I was secretly hoping that one of these assessments was going to tell me what to go be. My HBDI and Emergenetics profiles looked more like a promotion for the Milton Bradley game Simon rather than a skills profile. All of them – and I am not kidding here – came out almost exactly in the middle. I was equally good at everything, and great at nothing - a very serious jack of all trades.
This was frustrating to me! Now, not only did I not know what I wanted to be when I grew up, but the experts couldn’t tell me either. To throw a wrench into the whole situation I was starting to think that maybe I would never find my place or be really happy in my career or in my life overall. (Besides, I didn’t know if I wanted an uptown Manhattan apartment or a Nebraska bed and breakfast!)
Then, I sat down with a coach who very nicely said to me, “Melani, WHY do you desperately need an answer to that question? WHY do you have to be only ONE thing when you grow up? WHY can’t you be EVERYTHING you want to be?”
She was right. I was too busy trying to answer that question that I completely missed the fact that I was having fun learning how to crochet, play the piano, paint ceramics, manage a team of professionals, running a non-profit board and the countless other things I had tried. I had this need to find out what I wanted to be and the whole time I was being who I was. And to top it off – I really like that person.
I finally started to embrace my crazy committee of one in my head. I made a list of all the things I wanted to be when I grew up and have started to check them off of my list. No, I may never be the world’s best pianist or artist, but that is OK because I enjoy those things all the same.
Unfortunately this doesn’t help me decide what is for dinner this evening but I do know that I will be happy no matter what it is.
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